Collection of tech related jokes for the Pokitto Magazine #2

Let’s have a list of tech related jokes. If there are enough we could put these to the Pokitto Magazine #2 :slight_smile:

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Q: “Why do C++ programmers need glasses?”
A: “They cannot C#”

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How to throw a party in C++:

throw "party";

Memes:

delete this;

Person A: “I’m having a hard time understanding this, could you give me some pointers?”
Person B: “void * a; int * b; char * c;

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Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

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C++ told C: you have no class!

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From: https://www.aish.com/j/j/51475717.html , originally the joke was told to me using outher countries:

After having dug to a depth of 1,000 meters last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1,000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors had a telephone network all those centuries ago.

Not to be outdone by the French, English scientists dug to a depth of 2,000 meters and shortly after headlines in the U.K. newspapers read: “English archeologists have found traces of 2,000-year-old fiber-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors had an advanced high-tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier than the French.”

One week later, Israeli newspapers reported the following: “After digging as deep as 5,000 meters in a Jerusalem marketplace, scientists had found absolutely nothing. They, therefore, concluded that 5,000 years ago Jews were already using wireless technology.”

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How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None – It’s a hardware problem

Programming is like sex:
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea.

Laws of Computer Programming

  1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
  2. Any given program costs more and takes longer.
  3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
  4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
  5. Any program will expand to fill available memory.
  6. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
  7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
  8. Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
  9. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
  10. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
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Why did you put a weight on that harddisk ?
I am compressing data.

A fly on a monitor is a non-clickable item. Please remove by releasing mouse control and waving your hand.

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These are just horrible jokes.

Thank you. Keep 'em coming!

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My favorite jokes are often “dad jokes”. The kinds that make people groan and then have a chuckle.

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Like…
It’s impossible to run in a camping site, you can only ran.
Because it’s always past tents.

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Q: Why does Python live on lands?
A: Because it’s above the C-level.

Genie: OK, you know how it goes. You have 3 wishes left and you can’t ask for more wishes.
Programmer : OK, I wish I had 0 wishes left
Genie: OK, now you have 255 wishes left

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A selection of images dug up from my archives…


CupT


Single


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The ‘git the princess’ and ‘git the dragon’ comics from Toggl:

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Meanwhile, inside the box, Schrödinger’s cat plans its revenge.

source: https://twitter.com/ProfFeynman/status/1270554435769348098

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A simple way to figure out what world you’ve stumbled into:

#include <stdio.h>

int main()
{
	if(sizeof(' ') == sizeof(char))
		puts("You're using C++.");
	else
		puts("You're using C. (Please stop.)");
		
	if(sizeof(char) == sizeof(int))
		puts("By the way, your compiler is non-conformant.");
}

Try it…
As C++: https://rextester.com/RGRL92648
As C: https://rextester.com/GXIM92129


Edit:
Now I think about it, technically a compiler where sizeof(char) == sizeof(int) would actually be conformant, but it would be a very weird environment indeed.

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